Catching up

I want to catch up with time, I've been carelessly throwing my thoughts together by collecting my life by various means. I started drawing, that's when I felt mad, pure madness strained my tired thoughts until left lying lifeless on the floor of my mind. I couldn't even tell you the process in which some of my first drawings demanded; daring a depiction of a description drawn by the dawning of my eyes. My hands felt useful so I would stop when they stopped. I would just sit up for hours in the middle of the night, I felt you breathing in your sleep behind me, I'd play classical music, a low hum to sooth the empty nights echo. Thinking about times spent, time spent, time passed, time used up, time has passed, I miss you. I miss being with you, I miss laying with you endlessly, hours ceased to exist, hours only beginning to bestow any type of magnitude to my mere existence. Now I sleep to silence the screaming space placed between us. I'm just venting. Learning how to breathe again, honestly. I'm taking each day and I'm trying just to use time as beneficial as I can, I'm trying to get back into habits that I kept for a short period of time. I'm always breaking things. I'm always restarting, I'm always changing and rearranging. My room is a set in stone example of that, I can never sit still so I'm always moving things around, setting things up. It's time I start creating again because I feel like I'm going to explode. IMPLODE.