Ostracize

The night was already marked with a promise of the unknown and uncertain factors that we had both acknowledged and agreed upon before hand. A midnight drive into the snowy blizzard night tripping on acid with a practical stranger, who had indeed only reminded and reassured me that i had been tripping on the folds of my own identity. I guess I need to prepare myself better for a malfunction of the mind, in public… I feel the only way to let go, to move on, to simply understand would be to write it all out, release. I’m so lost. But the question I’m not sure how to answer is, why? Why make sense of it, why even try? Why allow the temptation, the curiosity of what lies behind the questions and answers from my past influence me in any sense? Consciousness. Reality bites chunks from me. What do we take from it? Am I even asking the right questions? Am I asking myself enough? I’m filled with nothing but life experience, with memories and numbers, with faces, expressions, laughs, love, feelings, I’m filled with images and scents from the past, however, when upon receiving a simple question referring back to it, I freeze in public, dead cold air shatters my skin and i am left inside pulsing without a beat, because I am just trying to figure that out too. Do you see, do you see that I need to find a beat, i need to release, i need help though. Fill me a table full of drugs so I can try my best to learn about what each one does and then experience a night filled with new boundaries, endlessly. You, you will be my guitar player, you will sing me to sleep, you will hold me until I stand up straight, you will dance with me until romantic shoe laces tie us together mending our calloused feet, you see, you see, you see, you are the light, but you need a name, because right now, the love of my light is the love of my life. I feel the light, I need you, and you need me, the light. The light. The light. You are the fright that follows the light, because deny the bright and you are left with a fight, a fight not intended to bite, but reality bites and sometimes it’s love at first sight.